Pain is just weakness leaving the body.

This is Laura's email on the subjet of everything that happened between us. The responses are hers, mine, then hers.

Me sending you this message, I admit, is selfish. I am aware that it probably wont help anything, but I have to try. I've meant to tell you these things all year.

Randy, I know you hate me, or if its not hate, that you are at least extremely angry--and thats fine, i deserve it. But know this-- you stopped talking to me in the beginning of the year because you thought i liked another guy, the one who I am currently dating. I didnt, AT ALL, I can honestly say that I had no feelings for him whatsoever. I guess that I forgot that you hadnt been going to school with me for awhile. He was one of my best friends, i had known him for over 5 years, there was NOTHING there. At the time i thought you were just being shy, or that you didnt like me anymore, or whatever, if I had known what was up, I probably would have talked to you. I know it probably doesnt help that I ended up going out with him, but believe me when I say that it was not planned at all.

I never lied to you. I was telling the truth when I told you I had feelings for you. I remember you saying that you thought you bothered me or something with those late night phone calls. You didnt, they were usually the highlight of my day.

Its hard to believe that these things between us have been going on for over three years. I am not writing this letter because I still have romantic feelings towards you, because I dont, but I do miss you. You are one of the only people I've ever met who I could trust fully, you were such a good friend to me and I didnt deserve you. Dont ever sell yourself short Randy, I've heard from people that you are going through a rough time, but dont ever forget how great you are. You are one of the funniest, kindest, nonjudgmental people I have ever met. And I am gratefull for you.

I hope this message doesnt reopen old wounds that have already healed, that instead, it can give you some more closure.I hope that someday you can forgive me and we could be friends again, but I will understand if thats not what you want. I just had to get this off of my chest.

I would love to hear from you, about how you feel about all of this or whatever, but you dont have to respond.

I am so sorry for everything.

-Laura

sorry for the late reply, dont have everyday internet access (I thanks my one of my best friends Dennis for letting me us this right now). Dont think it didnt do anything, it really did. Ill never forget what you said in this message and it's been on my mind for quite some time (dont worry about those re-opened wounds), I realize that I did some wrong on my part too.
I dont know if you knew I was extremely jealous of your boyfriend when I came back, but I never asked about it before I came cuz I didnt suspect anything and then when I saw you I was acting all shy and quiet. I felt bad because I pretty much came back to Santiago for you, but that doesnt matter anymore cuz I never told you =/, truthfully I never told anyone, even though even my mother asked me if that was one of the main reasons I wanted to come back, but I denied it. I guess my...strong disliking you came when I found out you were going out. I was pretty devastated about it, but I tried to look past it, but that made me think that all those late night talks were just....nothing, and that made me pretty sad and depressed (thats why I didnt like to look at you and your boyfriend, cuz I'd remember everything between us, which brought bad feelings and all this other stuff) Especially when I was still in Nicaragua and we'd never talk about how we felt about each other and we'd usually start those heated conversations and I didn't know why you said those things like "I dont want to like you" (or something like that). I mean, not to sound like I was a stalker type person but when I was back in Nica, I thought about you 24/7, hence you were in my comic (and still are). I dont know if some of this "justifies" my reasons for my angry thoughts and endless worries, but I had to tell you someday. Laura, I miss you too and your the girl I loved more than anyone, you meant the world to me and when you were ""taken"" away I was destroyed, Im sorry for anything I did wrong to provoke you during our talks.

Of course, I dont have any feelings for you likewise anymore (hence the past tense words) and I, too, wish to be friends again, I have a lot more things to tell you thats happened these past months, unless you already know them, but I'll find that out when I call you.

I'd also like to hear back from you (and why you are in colorado [if you're still there]) and anything new thats happened to you...just dont expect an immediate response =/ cuz the no internet thing.

Until next time Laura,
later

I dont know anything except that you live with your dad now and that its "complicated"

I dont remember saying "I dont want to like you," but if I did, it was probably because i thought you liking me was shallow since you hadnt talked to me in a year and I didnt trust you yet...or something. I dont remember.

Hopefully you dont regret changing schools. I mean, you got to stay with all your other friends right?

If you do regret it, im sorry. I dont know what else to say but sorry.

My number is 258-8870, in case you dont have it anymore. Im in colorado on family vacation [aka my brothers have a baseball tournament]